Welcome to the Mumbai Transport Guide

The AutoRickshaw ( AKA:Rick,Rickshaw,Auto)

Small, fits only for three passengers. First, they will go only if and when they want to. In case of Natures call for driver, probable charge to destination being lesser than Rs.100, not in mood and pure laziness, they will refuse you. Scarier, they will refuse to look at you. ( These problems lessen in probability if you are a woman (Duh!!) or if you are white (LOL. For obvious reasons)). Spoilers: In case of emergency, when in bad mood skip. On the bright side, ask the driver to crank up the stereo on a rainy day, and enjoy!

The Taxi (AKA: None!)

The larger version of the AutoRickshaw. Archaic remnants of a bygone era. Some with doors that are held together by strings, some with windows that do not wind up, some shiny on the outside and awful inside and some that you wonder about( Gosh! How is this even running variety) Please insist on rate card or a Rs.30 ride may become Rs.100 quite easily. Their brethren in Delhi are worser though. Again, as is the case with their smaller sibling, the driver will take you only when and if he wishes.

The BEST Bus

Double Decker (see image) or single decker. Crammed to the brim. Feet are somebody else's property and god help you if you by mistake slam into a woman( Kya Be! Dikhta nahin kya{ Translation: Ass! Don't you see where you're going). Conductor will dictate terms, which includes speaking only in marathi[ India's national language is hindi BTW], treating you like shit, giving a ticket only if you have the proper change (god help if you produce a Rs.100 note) and asking you to move forward rudely even if the bus is empty.
If riding in vehicle beside this bus, take vehicle on footpath and park. If pedestrian, pray to god that the driver is in a good mood.

The Mumbai Local Train (AKA: Local, Train)


The king of all transports. Transports over 40 lakh people a day. Perks of traveling include Body massage, sauna, free deodorant and of course, if you are a woman, the realization that you really are different (Come on! You know what I mean)

And that is that


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